Learn Your Language

It's heavy rain, which is the simplest language I've ever seen, with no logical depth at all. It should have been replaced by a more efficient language system long ago. Alce is right, we should all use riddles. Nonsense. Heavy rain is easy to learn. This idiot is so drunk he dares to say such drunken words. Our station has decided to produce a "Heavy Rain" competition program, inviting top students from around the world to take part in a "Heavy Rain" dictation exam, which will be broadcast worldwide, and you will host it. Yes, everyone, I have timetraveled. Because an international language master named Charles once said that the "Heavy Rain" language was effortless and should be withdrawn, causing controversy. The station has prepared a "Heavy Rain" language competition program. The original host was selected, but due to excessive pressure, he died, allowing me to time travel here. Hmph, interesting. This is a globally broadcasted program. There are actually foreigners brave enough to participate. Don't they fear being tortured by "Heavy Rain" and "Timor" and collapsing on the spot? They'll become a laughingstock! Damn! Such an easy question can it really reflect the profound depth of "Heavy Rain"? Those foreigners who just talk with their mouths, only the Tongji would directly stick their face out. Do you fight for them? No. I need to add some difficulty. Let those foreigners know that every character in "Heavy Rain" can form a wall of sighs. System detects the master's strong desire to defend cultural dignity. The superlevel questioncreation system is now activated. System, my lucky charm is coming!

Please listen to the first question, a listening comprehension question. Xiaoming's window is dirty, you go and clean it. Xiaoming answersI will clean it, I won't clean it. So, does Xiaoming clean it or not? What does that mean? I will clean it, I won't clean it. First saying he will clean it, then saying he won't. So, does he clean it or not? The teacher never taught us this! Congratulations, Master Nan Dao Smith has gained one point. All contestants, you only have sixty seconds to think. Who is the question setter? This is too funny! Look at how nervous they are. Where is the arrogance from before? Even I, a local, am a bit confused. This question is amazing! Hahaha. I declare this show is legendary, specially designed to deal with all kinds of stubbornness. Nonsense, absolutely nonsense. Who allowed the question to be changed arbitrarily? What if something goes wrong? No, we must stop the show immediately. I think it's pretty interesting, way better than the questions we thought of before. It's both challenging and fun. You can see the live stream heat has broken thirty million. It's rising so fast. Our show is going to be a hit. Twenty seconds left, I think it's gone. Everyone, please recall carefully, Xiaoming's first answer was "I will clean it", so the answer should be... I will clean it. I have an idea that there's no way I'm right, and the following "I will clean it" is probably a trick sentence, intentionally confusing us. So everyone doesn't need to think, the correct answer is "he went". That's why. Okay, time's up. Contestants, now please show your answers. Great, all ten contestants gave the same answer. So I announce, congratulations, all ten contestants got it wrong. What the fuck, hahaha.

System, my lucky hand has arrived. From now on, whenever the host's question stumps others, I can earn points. Points can be used for system lottery, cash, luxury goods, skills, and all kinds of black tech. Make questions difficult for others? This is just perfect for me. Hehe, I'm going to test these foreigners right away. Didn't they say our language lacks depth? Didn't they think the Chinese language was too simple? If I fail, I won't be a Chu. Dear viewers at home, guests here, and netizens watching our live broadcast worldwide, good evening! Welcome to the live broadcast of the "Soy Sauce Anime" sponsored Building and Competition. I'm your host, Chu Jiang. Ah, here they come, finally starting. I can't wait to see those foreigners being tortured by homophones and grammatical words, questioning their existence. Don't hold back, give them the hardest questions, let them experience what real Chinese is. A simple game I can be generous, they can pass with their eyes closed. Charles is right, such simple rural words should have been eliminated long ago. Recently, there has been a voice in the international community saying that our Chinese language lacks depth, and it's the simplest language in the world. I don't want to comment on that, after all, the depth of a language isn't judged by mouth, but by understanding with the brain. Today, we are honored to have 10 participants from around the world, Chinese language lovers and experts. They will use their knowledge to personally verify the answer to this question. Let's welcome them with the warmest applause! Hello, my name is Johnson. I graduated from Harvard University's Language Department, under Professor Charles. Many people think Chinese is the hardest language, but I completely mastered it in just three months. In my opinion, Chinese logic is very simple. Anyone with ambition and no obstacles can easily master it. I'm Wu Di, a Ph.D. candidate in the Department of Linguistics at Oxford University. You might not believe it, but I just traveled to China and learned basic communication phrases. Learning Chinese for me is as easy as reviewing. I'm Sophia, everyone says French is the most romantic language, but I think... Chinese is the most naive, like a child, cute and easy to understand. Oh my god, these foreigners are really arrogant! In three months, I couldn't even say I fully mastered it in thirty years. There's no obstacle, who is he insulting? The host told him not to let him leave the live stream standing. Okay, okay, great, it seems our contestants are all topnotch, with extraordinary strength. I hope you still stay as confident as you are now later. This exam has 10 questions. The first one is a listening question. All participants, are you ready? Hmph, I hope the questions you give have some difficulty. Don't be too simple. Listen to the first questionListening question. Xiaoming, the window is dirty, go clean it. Xiaoming answersI clean, I don't clean. Does Xiaoming clean or not clean?

It's impossible, how could we be wrong so fast? Xiaoming admitted he said it, why is he now saying the answer is wrong? Host, did you say something wrong? What's wrong with us? Please all contestants calm down. The black curtain is definitely a trick, they don't want us to win, it's too despicable! They use any means to win and sabotage this show. It was clearly correct, but you said it's wrong. Are all people from Dasha so despicable? Hey, everyone from overseas. Can you stop being so hasty? In Dasha, when I say "wo cha" alone, it's an interjection, just like the word "fuck" that you foreigners often use. Do you understand? Seeing your answers, I'm both angry and amused. Please first understand our language and culture before judging, okay? I declare that this show is the best example of reverse subversion of the year. You must give us a reasonable explanation, otherwise we won't accept this result. Host, if you say we are wrong, you must present evidence that can convince us. We came here with sincerity for exchange, not for you to play with us. Dear contestants, let me explain something here. The two words "wo cha" are, when appearing alone, interjections, not common words. So Xiaoming answered"Wo cha, I don't cha." Actually, He was saying "Wu Zi," this question we were careless about. Yes. We were careless, we just got tricked in, this must be the socalled word trap. I didn't expect there would be a word trap right from the beginning to deal with us. I don't know whether to say you are smart or stupid. If I say you are stupid, you made us lose a question right at the start; but if I say you are smart, this question reminded us to be smart. Okay, next 9 questions, we won't make a single mistake, absolutely. If you can answer one question correctly, I will admit defeat directly. Good, good, I really appreciate the fighting spirit of all contestants. Since everyone has grasped the essence, let's take the opportunity and move on to the second question.

I saw the answers from the ten contestants were very consistent, which means everyone is confident in their judgment. Of course, we have already figured out your feelings. Well, now I will announce the correct answer. Congratulations to the ten contestants, all of you answered incorrectly. What? Why did we get it wrong again? Wrong! How could it be wrong? Our logic is perfect. Host, you're cheating! Congratulations, Master, Nando Johnson gets one point added. Congratulations, Master, Nando Invincible gets one point added. Congratulations, Master, Nando Netizen gets one point added. The curtain is definitely a cheat; they don't want us to win! Fuck, this show is just cheating you. Even if the language of Da Xia is difficult, there must be a literal meaning. If we interpret it literally, it should mean to play soccer. Why did they mark it wrong? I'm going to report this show; it's an insult to our intelligence! Here comes the classic meme. Perfect logic. Sorry, your perfect logic is worthless here. I just love watching their confident, confused, and angry expressions. So entertaining! Mr. Shen, I'd like to ask where we made a mistake. I hope you can give us a reasonable explanation. If you can't give us a reasonable explanation, we will leave this show right now and won't continue filming. After all, according to your logic, doesn't that mean everything we do is wrong? If that's the case, why even compete? Everyone just go home. Just declare your victory directly. Exactly, without an explanation, we'll withdraw from the competition. Contestants, please calm down first and prepare your explanations. I will explain clearly. Of course, after I explain, if you still don't believe me, you can call others and ask them to verify whether what I said is true or not.

First, please listen to the question again. Xiaoming, let's go play soccer! Xiaoming repliesI'm going to play a game of soccer! First, the phrase "I'm going" is correctly identified by everyone—it is indeed a particle used for emphasis. So where did we go wrong? The mistake lies in the second half—"play a game of soccer"—looking at the words literally, it does seem to mean that I want to go play soccer. What do you mean, I'm not wrong? Unfortunately, I have to tell all the contestants somethingactually, "play a game of soccer" is also a tone particle. According to the explanation of Da Xia's language culture, this sentence literally translates to "What's the point of playing soccer?" So the correct answer is that Xiaoming is not angry. No way, that's too absurd. It's an emotional particle. Both parts are emotional particles. Why so many tone particles? I suspect you're tricking me. Why do you all have so many tone particles? What is this? A whole sentence full of tone particles, none of them literal. Do you guys from Da Xia really speak like riddles every day? Haha, it's so fun! I've finally taken revenge for those riddles I heard before. Watching their confused expressions makes me want to laugh. Teacher Chu did a great job. Six six six six six, this is the profound depth of Da Xia's language. Learn from this, foreigners. I told you before, if you don't believe me, you can call and confirm. You can ask your Da Xia friends or your linguistics professors—what does a Da Xia person really mean when they say "play a game of soccer"? Hey, Zhang, quickly tell me what does "play a game of soccer" really mean? Does it mean to go play soccer? The host is right, this is actually the meaning of not going. Have you watched the live stream? "Play a game of soccer"—it really means not going. I just checked some online information, plus my friends who work in Da Xia. Now I can honestly tell you that this sentence does not mean that I want to go play football. On the contrary, the meaning of this sentence is that I don't want to go play soccer because it's not fun, why would I go play soccer, etc. Either way, the meaning expressed is refusal. Everyone, is there still anyone who has doubts about this answer?

Ha ha, seeing those foreigners doubt their lives, I can eat three more bowls of rice for dinner. That's really annoying! Teacher Chu, please, be a little kinder to them, I'm afraid they'll buy tickets back home right now. We haven't seen enough yet. One sentence with two particles, we don't accept that. This is just playing with word traps. You can't be so unfair. If you have the guts, ask a normal question. It seems like everyone has lost interest in the previous question. So everyone, please adjust your mindset because the listening test isn't over yet. The next questions will be even more challenging. Wait a second, host, II protest. Oh, Johnson contestant, what's your protest? The questions you've set aren't testing our ability in Dashayu, they're all word traps. Johnson is right, this isn't an exam, it's mocking us. We're learning normal Dashayu communication, not this kind of hidden meaning within meanings. Puzzles? Yes, host. If you keep asking these kinds of questions, I declare I give up, but I still maintain my attitude of being diligent and eager to learn. I agree with them. I hope the host considers changing the questions. Yes, we definitely need to change these kinds of questions, they're just cheap tricks. If the host doesn't change the questions, we won't watch anymore. After all, no one can answer these trap questions. Come on? You can't handle losing, so you start making excuses. What do you mean by word traps? This is exactly our daily life. Don't you know the saying "when in Rome, do as the Romans do"? You came to compete here. Of course, you have to follow our rules. If you go around overturning tables, there's definitely going to be trouble. Hey, why do we need to change the topics? This is the kind of question, if you can't answer, then don't talk about Dashayu being easy to learn. If you agree, we'll all withdraw.

The second question is still a listening comprehension question. Xiaoming, are you going to play soccer? Xiaoming answers"I'm going to play a game of soccer." So, did Xiaoming actually go to play soccer or not? I declare, this isn't the College English Test anymore, it's a majorlevel listening comprehension question from Da Xia Language. Chu Jiang is too mean, I like it. That's it! These foreigners just learned "IWipe" (IWipe), and now they're being confused again by my "I'm going to play a game of soccer." I get it now, this is a trap. Based on the previous question, the words "I'm going" and "IWipe" are both particles used for emphasis, which can be ignored. It's just an introduction. So the real focus is in the second half"I'm going to play a game of soccer." This is clearly a positive statement. He is going to play soccer, it's just a way of emphasizing. Yes, I finally understand why the host used a particle in the first question. He used this kind of question to make us aware of the presence of particles. Then, in the second question, he continued using particles to make us subconsciously think the opposite. But we have already seen through his trick. Exactly, this question never used the word "not" nor clearly said "he didn't go," so he must have gone. The host is too shameless, always likes to set traps. We will definitely not make a mistake this time. Awesome, the top students from Harvard University are really smart. Now, please show your answers.