The Unkillable Mortal

This shocks you? I’m the greatest magician of the 21st century—watch me perform something even more astonishing! Madam, please drink. This is “SpiritInfused Water”—an extremely advanced arcane art. You wield magic too—so clearly, you’re no ordinary mortal. He actually mistook me for a cultivator! Exactly! I’m a magician—I might just rise to fame in the cultivation world with my illusions! Hmm… I don’t think I ever said that. Am I really just an ordinary mortal? Of course not—how could the son of the legendary Cultivation Master Xiu Xuan possibly be mundane? Hmph! But the hundredyear pact I made with your father only binds me to stay by your side for a century. Even if you are a cultivator—and even if you live beyond those hundred years—I will leave you. No exceptions. That vase may be stunning—but it’s purely for display. Untouchable. If I truly had to wait until you die… wouldn’t I go mad? I need to find a way to get rid of him. Ah—no need. That hundredyear agreement was between you and my father. It holds no weight with me. You may leave—now. Within the Immortal Sect, I’m renowned for my beauty. And yet—marrying a mere mortal like you? You dare to hesitate? Since I pledged my word to your father, I intend to honor it. The hundredyear term hasn’t expired—I won’t abandon you. Mmhmm. Well then—if you’re so determined to uphold this vow… what kind of wife refuses her husband’s touch? Hehheh, darling—I’m coming! What are you doing?! How dare you disrespect me?! Disrespect? How exactly have I disrespected you? We’re married—let’s seize the moment and consummate our union!

“Hey—wait, hold on! This fierce tiger woman actually nearly got castrated on her very first day after crossing over? Let me make one thing crystal clearIf you lay a finger on me again, next time I’ll cut you off—permanently. No—it’s not you! I told you to leave—and you refused. You won’t even let me touch you? What am I supposed to do—live like a widow while you’re still breathing? Fine. Then I’ll just find another woman. Absolutely not allowed! Why not?! I’m the husband of none other than Ling Shuang—the immortal fairy herself! If word gets out that I’m chasing after other women, my reputation will be utterly ruined! So what good is this marriage if I can’t do this, can’t do that—what use is having you as my wife at all?! I’m divorcing you—right now! You dare?! Wha—what are you doing?! Are you trying to murder your own husband?! Relax—I accepted a celestialgrade spirit pill from your father, so killing you is definitely off the table. But… I could sever your limbs—just enough to keep those reckless impulses in check. “Ow! Murdering your husband?! Seriously?!” …Huh? Why did you freeze like that? Did my dad come to save me? Dad?! “Greetings, Host. I’m not your father—so please stop touching my head.” “Ugh…” Wait—you’re not him? Then who—or what—are you?! “I’m your kind, beautiful, exquisitely designed, and utterly adorable System!” “System?” “Oh, finally—you’re here! You have no idea how close I was to getting sliced in half just now—I was this close to biting the dust!” “Well, heroes always make their grand entrance at the perfect moment.” “So… Tell me Have you fallen for me yet?” “Skip the fluff! Just hand me an insanely powerful, gamebreaking cheat code—now! I’ve got a tigress to train—and train hard.”

Damn, you’re actually doing it. Cultivators’ brains aren’t any different from ordinary people’s—zero willpower. You crumbled under me that fast? Hand it over—you want to cripple me? I’ll cripple you first! Wait—no. He is a cultivator. If my sword strike misses or fails to wound him, what happens when he wakes up? No—absolutely not. Hey—don’t move! Blades don’t discriminate. What… how is this possible? I didn’t even see your movement—could your cultivation level be higher than mine? I usually keep a low profile—I never meant to reveal my strength. But why did you force my hand? Senior! I’ve realized my grave mistake—I shouldn’t have disrespected you! Please, spare me this time! Enough. Enough. I’m not one for violence—I’ll let today’s incident slide. But if you dare repeat this… I won’t show mercy next time. Thank you, Senior, for sparing my life! Uh… alright, that’s settled. I’m getting sleepy—exhausted, really. I’ll head back and rest now. Any matters—go see Chief Steward Zhang. Yes, Senior. I’m at the Golden Core Formation stage—yet against him, I couldn’t land a single counterattack. Could he possibly be a Nascent Soul Realm master? So young—and already so powerful. If I truly became his Dao Companion… It wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

“You’re dead to me.” “Lord Cao, why’s this tigress suddenly so obedient?” “In the cultivation world, power really is the ultimate truth.” “My wife is such a good girl.” “I’ve been standing at your door for ages—yet you didn’t even invite me in for a cup of tea?” “Please, come in!” “No sense of decorum whatsoever—you’re completely clueless.” “Husband, here’s your tea.” “This is so weird—it’s like you’ve become a totally different person. I’m actually getting nervous.” “Ah…” “Just now, Husband defeated me with a single move—I couldn’t even see what you did.” “I wonder… what realm of cultivation have you reached?” “I’m currently cultivating—” “No—I can’t reveal my own realm yet. What if he’s stronger than me? If I expose myself, I’m doomed.” “Cultivating what?” “Oh… uh—I mean, I’ve already advanced to an extremely profound level.” “You don’t need to say it—I can guess. My current realm is Golden Core.” “You defeated me so effortlessly—I assume you’ve already broken through to the Nascent Soul Realm?” “So there are that many cultivation realms?” “Golden Core… and I’m still in the Qi Refinement Realm—am I weaker than him… or stronger?” “Hey, Wife.” “Let me ask you something.” “Mmhmm?” “Between the Artifact Forging Realm and the Golden Core Realm—which one’s more powerful?” “Husband, you’re joking.” “The Artifact Forging Realm is just the entrylevel stage of cultivation—below Golden Core… well…” “All are but insignificant ants.”

That’s… no big deal. I just gave it some serious thought, and I’ve decided—let’s head back to the sect together. Fortune favors the bold. Besides, my dad’s already there at the sect, right? I’ll just fly under the radar for now. …But that doesn’t guarantee survival. Fine. Then let’s leave right away. Huh? Wait—hold on! I still need to pack up first, don’t I? You can’t just bolt without ceremony—there’s protocol. I need to get ready properly. Present myself with dignity, you know? Alright then—you go ahead and pack up. We’ll depart tomorrow. Yeah, yeah—got it! Hey! Is this a joke?! Everyone else’s cultivation system lets them grind monsters and level up effortlessly—why does my quest always feel like a descent into hell?! Ugh… seriously, I’m done. They just cultivated a bit and flew straight back—how am I supposed to get there? Am I really expected to hitch a ride with someone?! Then my lowlevel status would be totally exposed! Ugh—where’s the wine?! System! System—are you there?! Where are you?! Come out—now! What is it? Nothing much—I just wanted to give you something special. What kind of “special” thing?! C’mon, c’mon—hurry up! Look into my eyes… You’re feeling drowsy… So very sleepy… So sleepy… Hmph. This little greenheaded fly thinks he’s untouchable? Not on my watch. Level me up—now—to the absolute peak, and hand over the most powerful artifact in existence!